Bringing All of Yourself to the Dating Process

Dating is challenging. Nothing is as socially taxing and emotionally draining as dating. It is the only we can put ourselves out there and learn about our priorities, likes and dislikes. But in the process, we can quickly become jaded, discouraged, and confused about our needs.

When you start dating, make sure you write down some core values that you are looking for in your date. This does not have to be written in stone, and there should be a great deal of room for flexibility. But doing this just helps you think about and examine your preferences. Be realistic when writing these down and then take some time to reflect on how you can work on these qualities yourself.

We often look for some sense of completeness in another, but if we try and integrate these qualities into our own lives, then there is a higher chance we will meet someone who is a better match for us.

Make sure that as your dating to take things slow. We often jump at the chance to be with someone as soon as we feel some mutual chemistry. Let’s face it: this is a rare thing. As we are floating in the vast ocean of dating, finding someone that we like feels like a bolt of pure joy. But if we run into this relationship with our arms open and eyes closed, chances are that we will burn out. Taking it slow gives us a chance to see how we are feeling and get to know the other person better.

If something comes up in the course of communicating and hanging out with your date, bring it up as it comes up. Often in the beginning stage, we are afraid of ruining things or bringing things to a halt if we speak up. This could be a question, a comment that hurt us, or a point of confusion. Shoving down these little things can cause a great deal of mishap later when the honeymoon stage is over.

Practice speaking your mind in a compassionate and clear way. Never pretend to be ok with something or agree with something when you don’t. This builds a foundation of lies and mistrust. Speaking and sharing honestly will help you practice this in the long run. It is also a great gauge of what your date can handle. You don’t want to find out three months later that he does not like strong and smart women. You don’t want to realize that she hates animals after you move in with your two dogs.

Trust that being yourself and expressing yourself will bring you the right partner and maybe chase away the ones who are not a good fit anyway.